Just Deal.

I talk about death daily. Once people at work find out you own a funeral home --- it comes up. I blog about it frequently. I profess to have great understanding and knowledge on how the rest of you should deal with death -- I being the expert, of course. SO. NOT. TRUE.

Five years ago I fell in love with a brown eyed, blond furred golden retriever named Gibson. We've been inseparable ever since. My husband had him for several years before I came along -- but Gibson and I were meant to be. Both shy, needy, sometimes awkward, love to sleep --- it was a match made in Heaven. Gibson is now 16 years old. I know, you're thinking -- 16 years old?! And he's still alive? Yes he is. And, he will live forever -- thank you very much.

We had a scare the other night and thought for certain the time had come to put Gibson to sleep. "Put him to sleep" sounds nice doesn't it? When the words came out of Jim's mouth, all I could think was we are going to kill him - not "put him to sleep". You wake up from sleep.

Jim wanted Gibson to spend his last night at home -- so he made a pallet on the floor, fed him 12 dozen dog treats and talked to him like it was any other day. Even talked to him about the people he would meet in Heaven. I, on the other hand, sat on the couch -- on the verge of tears, repulsed. My best bud is going to die and we're having a slumber party in the living room?! I couldn't handle it. Didn't know what to do, what to say. And, found my self putting as much physical and emotional distance between Gibson and I as I could. In the morning, I couldn't face the idea of going to the vet and watching -- literally watching -- Gibson die. I tried to get out of it, but it was obvious Jim thought I needed to be there. As we waited at home to leave for the vets office -- I mopped the floors. Why not? What else is one to do in times like these but mop?

Long story short -- my furry love is Ok. Still 16 years old, but doing pretty darn well. My point: people deal with grief, death, dying --- differently. Maybe I "should" have handled it better -- I am in the business, afterall. But, at the end of the day we are all doing the best we can. So have patience. Have faith and be there for those who don't know what to do in the face of death. Because honestly, none of us really know what to do -- even those of us who do it for a living.